What's Wrong With Me

Holllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I'm back! Who's excited?!?!



By the way, I know ALL OF YOU love screaming "holllaaaaaaaa" in someone's face. So don't shake your head in disgust just because I'm brave enough to do it in writing.

Sooooo, yeah! I'm back to blogging. I really did miss it, but to be honest, I had been incredibly busy since about March or so. My life is quite the whirlwind of work, play, adventure, world travel...and so on. Thankfully, things have slowed down a little bit and I can once again return to my true love: writing.

AND NOW, FOR THE TRUTH:

Sooooo, yeah! I'm back to blogging. I really did miss it, but to be honest, I was doing all I could to survive the last couple of months at work. My life is quite the whirlwind of work, work, dogs, work, work, sleep, food, work, watching The Voice, work...and so on. Thankfully, I made it to summer vacation without killing anyone (at work) or having a complete nervous breakdown (at work) and I can once again return to my true love: watching The Voice writing.

Whatever. The point is...I'M ON VACATION!!! Maggie's Octopus is back, bitches!

It always cracks me up when people ask questions like, "So, what do you have planned for the summer?" and they expect the response to be something exciting or elaborate. I guess some people who work in education make detailed, grand plans for vacation...you know, like

-going on exciting trips across the world with safaris and cruises and tour guides
-going on long camping trips with tents and backpacks and fire
-working long hours to make money to support their lavish teacher lifestyle (you know...buying groceries, clothes without holes, gasoline, and other luxuries)
-somehow contributing to society (you know...volunteering, making a difference, shit like that)

Yeah. NONE of that really fits into my summer planning. Here's where I stand when it comes to The Summer Agenda 2011:

-spending time with ONLY quality people who don't want a damn thing from me (except to sit, relax, and laugh with them, and occasionally pass them the sunscreen, softball, ketchup, or bottle opener)
-doing whatever it takes to average 10 hours of sleep a night
-doing whatever it takes to lose about 50 pounds without exerting much/any effort
-doing whatever it takes to rock my amazingly awesome blue sunglasses, while somehow avoiding those shitty sunglasses tan lines
-doing whatever it takes to not sweat excessively through my clothes while I'm sitting in my SEASON TICKET seats at Fenway Park
-figuring out a way to remember to do the three or four things I actually have scheduled

And....that's really it.

Having said that, you might be a little worried about the limited amount of blog inspiration this summer. OHHHHHH don't you worry, friends. Granted, I won't be able to share any great stories about swimming with dolphins or climbing Mount Everest or building houses for homeless bald eagles or running a 5K for cancer or a 10K for measles or a 200K for asthma. But you can be sure I'll have a shitload to say about...

-sleeping
-how many days I can go without taking a shower
-working one day a week at (you guessed it) THE LIQUOR STORE!!!!! HELL YES!
-what kind of shit my dog eats, poops out, or otherwise destroys this summer
-what kind of shit I eat, poop out, or otherwise destroy this summer
-the amazingly funny (some accidentally, some intentionally, some unfortunately) people in my life
-the adventures I go on that most people are too ashamed or normal to talk about

Today I'd like to talk about that last bullet. Here is an example of...

AN ADVENTURE I WENT ON THAT MOST PEOPLE ARE TOO ASHAMED OR NORMAL TO TALK ABOUT

I have absolutely no problem doing things by myself. Yes, yes, I love my friends and my husband and my dogs and my teammates and my fan club. I spend plenty of time with all of them, don't you worry. But over the summer, a lot of those suckers still work during the day. Therefore, I find myself with a lot of quality alone time.

This morning, after waking up (at 9:00...with an alarm), eating some Raisin Bran Crunch, and walking the dogs (good news! they hadn't eaten/pooped out/destroyed anything overnight!!! However, Maggie did manage to lock herself in the bathroom for a couple of hours)...anyway, after all of that was done, I went out to do a couple of errands and while I was out, a little voice told me to do something...

"GOOOOOOOO TO THE SALVATION ARMY STORE. GO NOWWWWWWW."

Yes. Yes. YES. Once or twice a year, I make a trip to the amazing Salvation Army Store in beautiful downtown Framingham. It's something I started doing in high school with my brother...we would go to "Salvation" when the spirit moved us. Every now and then, we would actually take day trips around the state to check out the most massive Salvations around. It was a fun adventure...we'd toss some Beastie Boys in the tape deck, grab some fast food, and go searching for the most fierce thrift shops in Massachusetts! Quality family bonding.

Sadly, the Salvation Army in Framingham closed down a year or so ago. Amazingly, I had never been shot, stabbed, or mugged during any of my visits there over the years...so I was really sad to see it go. So today, when my inner voice encouraged me to go thrift shopping, I was forced to check out a new store. Thankfully, I didn't have to drive too far from the old Salvation location...



Ladies and gents, I present to you, ST VINCENT de PAUL! Also known as SVdP. Totally awesome. Let's put it this way...if Salvation Army is a Cadillac, then St. Vincent de Paul is like...a Delorean. Or a spaceship. Or Pee-Wee Herman's bike. Let's just say it's a pretty classy place (in a flea market, yard sale, attic box kind of way).

SVdP is in Framingham...you know, in that strip mall where Big D used to be? But now it's mostly empty except for about one and a half stores and a Dunkin' Donuts and a laundromat...and a scary parking lot near the gas station and that annoying light where people never understand that the left lane is ONLY for left turns but they go straight anyway...and there's the creepy retirement home next door and the random weird pizza place that looks like a house where our high school volleyball coach's boyfriend used to work? Yes, friends. THAT IS WHERE SVdP is located. Perfection!

So here's why I go to thrift shops: I have this weird fascination/obsession with t-shirts. I always have and I'm afraid I always will. I love getting t-shirts from places I have visited, events I have participated in, teams I have played for...you get the picture. And for some reason, that passion extends to another kind of t-shirt:

COOL, OLD SHIRTS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE FORMERLY BELONGED TO A DIRTY, DISEASED, DEAD, OR A PERFECTLY NORMAL AND HEALTHY PERSON

I should probably explain. I don't actively seek out shirts that belonged to dirty or dead people. It's just that you never really know what you're getting when you buy clothes at a thrift store, and it's kind of weird that I'm not more bothered by that. I'm kind of a freak when it comes to bugs and dirtiness and scum and stuff like that, but for some reason I'm cool with the used t-shirt thing...even though the person who previously owned it could have been a giant, crap-infested dirtbag. The strange this is, I don't think I'd ever buy anything else at a thrift shop...not shoes or pants or shorts...or even a book or a game...and DEFINITELY not a plate or a glass or anything mouth-related. But a t-shirt is fine.

Yes, I know that logic is bizarre...but what the hell do you expect? This blog is called Maggie's Octopus, for God's sake. I'm guessing you don't come here for logic.

The atmosphere at SVdP was very glamorous. I was incredibly impressed with their t-shirt selection. They had FIVE whole giant racks of shirts (compared to Salvation's measly three or four). However, they lost a few points in the Organization Department because the shirts were just randomly hung without any sense of order. The sizes were all mixed up and they weren't divided up by color. I mean really...what the hell is that? If I'm going to pay between .99 and 1.99 for a shirt, I shouldn't have to work hard to find it! Talk about a rip off. And get this--not once did an employee of the store ever stop to ask me if I needed any assistance! They were all too busy sorting through "donations." Give me a break.

OK, so that last part was a joke. Trust me, it was perfectly OK that none of the employees approached me. In fact, I was relieved. Let's just say the employees were a little...edgy. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know what you're thinking...

Give them a break. They're probably homeless or unpaid volunteers or criminals out on work release.

I GET IT. But that still doesn't mean they should be disgruntled! For instance, there I was, minding my own business, admiring a 2008 Quincy Summer League All-Star Basketball shirt, when I overheard one worker talking to another:

WORKER 1: I'm going to get some water. You want some? (walks away)

WORKER 1: (a few seconds later) I'M GOING TO GET SOME WATER! DO YOU WANT SOME?

WORKER 2: No.

WORKER 1: (now about 100 feet away) HEY!!!! I'M TAKING A BREAK!!!!

WORKER 2: OK.

WORKER 1: I'M GOING TO GET SOME WATER!!!!!! DO YOU WANT SOME? GOD...ANSWER ME!!! DO YOU WANT SOME WATER??!??!?!

WORKER 2: No thank you.

WORKER 1: WELL I DO! I'M GOING TO GET SOME WATER!

WORKER 2: OK.

I know that exchange probably doesn't seem very exciting or upsetting or life-threatening. Trust me. It's just one of those "you had to be there" moments. Since today's incident, I break out in hives whenever I'm near water.



Then there was some weird exchange that happened later when I was about to check out. As I approached the front counter, some dude was trying to drop off a prescription for someone who worked at the store. He was saying something like, "This is for Chris. I have dropped this off to him before" and he was holding a prescription in a bag from a local pharmacy. The clerk said that no one named Chris worked there, and the dude insisted that it was for Chris. The clerk said she would go out back and ask around. Then she came back and said, "Yeah, there is no one here by that name." Then the dude said, once again, that he had done it before and there was never a problem...then he said he would leave and call Chris and that was the end of that.

Um....ok. Let's break this down for a minute.

1. Would you ever have prescription medication dropped off to you at work?
2. If you did, wouldn't you probably make plans ahead of time to meet your buyer/friend/courier at the front of the store or maybe in the parking lot...instead of asking the front clerk to put out an APB for you?
3. If you stopped working at the store (due to being arrested, dying, or retiring early due to SVdP's amazing retirement benefits package) don't you think you would let your pal know?

Maybe I'm overthinking all of this...but something just doesn't quite add up. And more importantly, I'm really worried that Chris is going a whole day without getting his medication. That, friends, is the real tragedy here.


OK that's all I have to say about today's adventure. I went home and immediately threw my shirts in the washing machine, soaked my hands in bleach, and went on my merry way. If any of you wish to join me on my next thrift shop adventure (or if any of you know the whereabouts of Chris), please give me a call.

xoxo